"The Third Cord" for Josh and Lauren Stacey

The Third Cord

A Wedding Homily Delivered by Rev. Peter T. Atkinson

For Josh and Lauren Stacey

November 10, 2018

Cedar Point Country Club, Suffolk, Virginia

Ecclesiastes 4: 8-12

Welcome 

Dearly Beloved, welcome, and thank you for joining Josh and Lauren, and their families, in this joyous and special occasion. This ceremony conceived in love, is the culmination of many years of partnership, and the embarkation and dedication of a lifetime moving forward. Theirs is a union blessed by God, and celebrated by all of us who are witnesses here today.

Lauren and Josh, we stand in celebration of the power of your love, shown in the strength of your bond and devotion to each other, but your relationship is more than the two you, for each of you has been shaped and formed by God, and by all of the people gathered here.

Before we begin,, take a moment to look around, and see in the smiling faces of friends and family, the many memories, good and bad, the ease and the struggles, for these have made you, and have brought you to this moment. Think of the love, support, and encouragement, that is represented here, encircling you as you take this commitment of a lifetime. Think of the path that has been winding its way to now, and take strength from it, for as the same path winds forward, the same will be present with you always. 

For such is one of the promises of love. . . It does not walk away.

Remember always that Love has made you, love has brought you to this moment, and love will sustain you in everything you do together from this day on.

Unity Candle

Your marriage, which begins today has a much longer story than either of you may know. The light that has been shining in the world since its beginning finds itself here with you, and you are a part of that history. Each of you were given the light of life through your parents, just as it was passed to them, generation to generation, back to the beginning of time. The light spreads, it divides through the centuries, as the branches of the human family tree grow and sprout and bear fruit and multiply, but never does the light dim. Today in joining your two stories we use the symbol of fire, with its light and heat, to show how in your love, and by your marriage, we are joining together not only two people, but two branches of our human family, uniting their lights into one, so that a new branch may form, such as it has been ordained by God, and such as he commands, bidding us to be fruitful and multiply. May these two lights become one in this union today.

Homily 

In our formal conversation, Lauren and Josh gave me some insight into their relationship. One that has already lasted, in many years, and days, in challenges and triumphs, and you have already weathered storms that have drawn you together, obstacles that have stretched and then tightened your bond. Experiences and time often break relationships apart, paths divide, and people move on, but you two have stayed side by side, so it is no surprise that the quote you sent me has real wisdom in it about love. . . it reflects a voice of maturity and experience. . .

From Captain Corelli’s Mandolin:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two."

Do you hear that wisdom? . . .  true, practical, feet on the ground, head, not in the sky but firmly at place where it should be on strong willed shoulders. It reminds me of ancient wisdom from Scripture, Ecclesiastes 4 where a man alone asks

“For whom am I toiling,” he asked,

    “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?”

This too is meaningless—

    a miserable business!

⁹ Two are better than one,

    because they have a good return for their labor:

¹⁰ If either of them falls down,

    one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

    and has no one to help them up.

¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

    But how can one keep warm alone?

¹² Though one may be overpowered,

    two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

The wise know that Love is not only the abstract fanciful terrain of the poets, abstract and fleeting, but instead is practical, practical because it is connected to our deepest human needs. . . two is better than one, and we make the practical choice to stick around because  we need to, on our deepest level, and we need to know that someone will be there, and not to wonder if they will, but to know it, to feel it because those roots are so entwined that way. . . and two have become one.

The so called, churchman who compiled or wrote Ecclesiastes knows though that it takes more than just the two because he says a cord of three strands is not quickly broken, and so we have marriage. Marriage is that third strand. . . maybe that third strand takes the shape of the vows you say today.  . . maybe that third strand is the friends and family here assembled in front of whom you make those vows. . .  or maybe the third strand is God, the unseen power, the spiritual connection, the very love that made you both individually and brings you together. . . . 

However you see it, when the bonds of love are tested, when you two are either being pulled apart by the challenges of live, or are pushing each other away, remember this day, your marriage, your vows, these loving witnesses, and God, and they will hold you, and that cord will not break.

I know I can say as one who is blessedly married, and I’m sure all who are gathered here can attest. . . that third cord has kept us together, and has been a true comfort in truly trying times.

Consecration

So we gather together here, encircled by love as we are, we truly recognize the great weight of this occasion. Marriage is a profound, sincere commitment, one that is worthy of our reverence, it is a sacred and solemn promise, one to another, that no matter what may come, you are joined together as one. Let us continue with your vows.